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Burglars Beware

Do you ever wonder what you would do if you thought you had an intruder in your house?

I saw a picture on Facebook the other day that reminded me of an incident we had last year. The picture read…

Dear paranoid people who check behind the shower curtain for murderer’s… If you find one… What’s your plan?

Well, thanks to something that happened last year I now pretty much know what I’d do….

It was a Friday evening and only myself and my fourteen year old daughter were home. So we sat down to watch a film together. I can’t remember what the film was but as we watched it we heard someone run up our stairs.

Now you have to understand, we are both wimps so firstly we sat in silence staring at each other wondering what it was. We then moved on to calling my other daughters name, wondering if she had entered the house without us knowing.
When we got no reply I realised a decision had to be made. We either continued to watch our film and pretend we didn’t hear anything, (my idea) or we investigated. (my daughters idea)

The look on my daughters face was proof that she wasn’t going to let me pretend nothing was there. So I pulled on my big girl Pant and told her we would go and look to prove to her there was no one there… I say we because like hell was I going up those stairs alone.

Getting to my feet I grabbed the nearest thing to hand and went to open the sitting room door. At the last moment my daughter told me to wait while she ran into the kitchen for her own weapon.

Together we opened the door, switched the light on and started creeping up the stairs.

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Now as you can see the stairs in my house bend.

As I turned the corner, my daughter clinging onto my leopard print onsie as she followed, I realised what my weapon of choice was.

As I’d Simply grabbed the closest thing to hand, I was sneaking up the stairs brandishing a cat toy!

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Picture from Pets at Home website.

I looked at the item in my hand and wondered what the hell I was thinking. Well at least my daughter had the sense to run to the kitchen. I decided since I was the adult I should be carrying the weapon so I reached back to relieve her of her….. Spoon!

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Yep… Spoon!

Here we were. An adult and a young woman. About to face an intruder in our home, with a cat toy and a spoon as our means of defence.

Well, what could I do. I’d already told her there was no one there so I couldn’t run back down for a knife.

Cat toy in hand I continued up the stairs.
First point of call was my eldests room. Pushing the door open with lightening speed I poked my head inside, relieved to see the room empty.

The bathroom door stood ajar so after some brief bickering over who was going to check behind the door we confirmed that was empty too. I did this by reaching around the door with my cat toy. When it didn’t hit anything or make anyone laugh I was pretty sure no one was there.

This brought us to my room. The door was open and I could see it was empty but my daughter helpfully suggested that we check under the bed. Well,  it just so happened my back was hurting so my daughter had to check there.

I like to think I was teaching her self reliance for later in life.

It also had the added bonus that if anything was there it could eat her while I got away.

There was nothing there.

The final place to check was my youngest room. Now I have to admit I was having kittens by this point. Despite wanting to deny it we did hear something and there was only one more place to look.

Cat toy in hand I walked to my daughters door. Taking a deep breath I shoved the door open. Poked my head in while waving the cat toy like a loony. Saw it was empty and swiftly stepped away from the door.

This called for an “I told you so” as I allowed my daughter to check the room herself.
With a satisfied smile I strolled down the stairs. Cat toy slung over my shoulder. And told my daughter I was putting the film back on.

Now I can honestly say we did hear something that evening. What it was I have no idea. But it did give me insight into how I’d react if I did find a murderer in the shower.

I think I can safely say I’d probably scream, chuck a toothbrush at him (possibly a toilet roll if it’s closer.)
Run for the door. Most likely tripping over the dog in the process.

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Fall down the stairs. Grab a cat toy and try to tickle him to death if he caught me before I reached the door.

That’s my plan!

Do you have one?

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