The Top Ten Uses For Boobs

While eating tea this evening I had a revelation. It all began with my first bite of food. Some mince fell off my fork and dropped between my cleavage. This actually happened repeatedly throughout the meal.

Ignoring the fact that I’m obviously worse than a two-year-old and in need of a bib. It did get me thinking. Boobs have an unlimited number of uses. I decided to list some of these uses. We will start at ten and countdown to the most popular.

So, starting at…

No. 10. – Breast Feeding

The use some would say breasts are made for. Providing sustenance for a baby. Although a very wonderful use, they are only actually used in this way for a very short time in a woman’s life. so while taking on a very vital role, I believe this only warrants the number ten slot.

NO. 9. –  Play Things

Throughout the ages they have been a source of amusement for men, providing hours of entertainment during bed sport. Whether squeezing, sucking or caressing, they will rarely be neglected by a man in the throws of passion. However, as this use is mainly for men, I think the number nine spot is its rightful place.

Now we move onto the uses for women.

At No. 8 – A Table

Whether it be a plate, a cup, or a book, boobs are a wonderful place to rest things. Why reach for the closest flat surface when you can simply pop the item on your chest and have it close to hand at any given time?

No. 7 – A Pet Bed

Do you want more time with the furry friend in your household? Well, simply lay them on your chest and show them what a comfy resting spot it can be and they will be your friend for life. No longer will they favour the man of the house over you. Boobs will make them love you more than anyone else.

No. 6 – Thermometer

Why look out the window wondering if it’s cold enough to take a coat out with you when you can open the door and just look at your nipples. If they go hard its cold. What more do you need to know? While a man is attempting to load the weather app on his phone and moaning about how slow the internet is you will already be on the way to your destination. All thanks to the power of the breast.

No. 5 – Hand Warmers

So, you made it out the door in record time thanks to the temperature sensing nipples and now you’re stood in the cold, and your hands are like ice. But don’t worry, this isn’t a problem because once again the boobs will save the day. Just pop your hands beneath them and there you have it. Instant hand warmers!

No. 4 – Food Storer

My own personal use. Is the meal you’re eating a tad too much for you? Once again its boobs to the rescue. With a nice cleft between them, they have the perfect space to store food for a later time. If you wake up in the night a bit hungry, no problem. you have another meal on hand ready and waiting for you.

No. 3 – A Battering Ram

Shopping can be horrible at the best of times but doing it during the holiday season can make you think you have dropped into the depths of hell. But, this situation can be made a lot easier by boobs. If the isle is jammed and you’re crammed into the corner, the tills at the other end of the shop and no way to get there, simply stand straight, shoulders back, boobs out and charge. Let the soft cushions on your front push people out of the way as you weave your way to victory and the pay here sign.

No. 2 – Pockets

One of the most common uses for breasts. With many women’s outfits designed without pockets, boobs remove any problem this might create. The bra provides a perfect place to store anything you can’t leave home without. From a phone to a notepad, pen, and a stick of gum. The boobs have ample space for storage and this isnt just limited to the top. Placing things under the breasts give extra security and ensure that there is no way the item can fall out.

No. 1

And finally, the all-time, best use for boobs. the one thing that every woman has used them for at one point or another in their lives…

The Get Out Of Jail Free Card

Not sure what this one is?

Well…Did you need to grab attention when trying to get served at a bar?

Were you pulled over for speeding?

Perhaps you threw away your boyfriends favorite t-shirt?

Or accidentally crashed the car?

All of these instances are where the get out of jail free card comes into play. Anytime where you need to distract a man from something. Simply wear a low cut top sway back and forth, and watch the magic of the boobs do their work as they hypnotize and mesmerize the male sex. Who needs money and quick thinking when you have cleavage. This is by far the most common and useful use for the boobs.

Don’t believe me?

Try it!

10 thoughts on “The Top Ten Uses For Boobs

      1. You see, you can’t balance a plate or barge your way through crowds with your testicles. Well not without a number of questionable looks.

        Liked by 1 person

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