Thought to be one of the most majestic animals in the world, we welcome cats into our homes. They have been companions to everyone from Pharaohs to janitors but there are certain things that you just never know about them until you own one. As a cat lover, I have compiled a list to educate those who are thinking of getting a cat and to amuse those who already have one.
We will begin with a correction to my previous statement.
1. You don’t own a cat, a cat owns you
You may think you own a cat but that’s because the cat allows you to think it. From the second the feline enters your house, you relinquish all control. You wake when they want you to wake. You feed them when they demand it and you must accept that you have officially become their servant. You might try to deny this but, let’s be honest, you and I both know you are lying.
2.No matter what food you feed it, it won’t be good enough.
By all means, buy the gourmet cat food with real prawns included but your cat won’t appreciate it. If you buy cheap dry food she will want caviar. If you buy caviar she will want dry food. Unfortunately, this is one game you just can’t win. Cats are deliberately awkward as a form of entertainment. Some will say, leave the food down long enough and they will eat it. I’m a firm believer that those people have never owned a cat. After three days of them sitting by the full bowl pretending that it’s filled with poison, then crawling across the floor meowing as if it’s their last breath, you will change the food and the cat wins.
3.Your version of a full bowl is not full.
It’s very strange to realise that your perception has been wrong all your life, but your cat will be happy to point it out to you. The bowl may look full to you and everyone else in the house but be warned. Your cat’s eyesight is much better than yours and they can spot when they food bowl has two fewer pieces of food than last time they looked. Shortchanging your cat in this way is unforgivable in their eyes and they will happily starve themselves until you correct the situation.
4. Any part of your body that moves is now a toy.
Being natural hunters, your cat is constantly on the lookout for prey and prey can take many forms. A spider, a mouse, a foot. It doesn’t really matter what it is as long as it moves so its best to be wary of where your cat is as you wander around the house. Especially if you’re at the top of the stairs as this can often be a cat’s favourite place to wait and catch your feet.
5. If it’s not glued down, it’s fair game.
It’s surprising what felines can find amusing. Random things that you once thought of as pretty little ornaments become wonderful toys to your cat. Delighting in the noise they make when they shatter on the floor, your cat can waste many an afternoon rearranging your nick nacks for you. Learn to appreciate your cats attempt to improve your home and happily accept that you can no longer own anything nice.
6. Night time is now the busiest time in your house.
Gone are the peaceful nights where you could fall asleep at 11 and not wake until morning. With a pet cat, your home is party central. Many a feline like to hold group play sessions between 2 and 3 AM and they will happily wake you so you don’t miss all the fun. This is usually done by running up and down the stairs until you wake to investigate. Sometimes when you get up, the cat will play a game and pretend to be asleep. This is just for fun, don’t worry, as soon as you return to bed the party will reconvene.
7. Fur is your new accessory.
Who needs a faux fur coat when you have the real thing? Your cat will happily sleep on your clothes enabling you to own many outfits with fur. Happy to share their coat, you will often find them asleep in your draw of wardrobe ensuring that your clothes don’t lose the fur over time. Such a generous move on their part.
8. Expect to earn every emotion there is from a cat.
Unlike dogs, cats won’t love you unconditionally. They won’t rush to meet you at the door. (Unless it’s food time.) If you do something wrong, you must earn your forgiveness with plenty of grovelling. You can’t hug them whenever you please. You bestow affection on their terms and if you don’t give affection when required you will be punished with no more cuddles for the rest of the day. It’s not about mutual respect, it’s about making yourself worthy of their affection. And if you fail, they will let you know about it.
9 .You officially give up all rights to your privacy.
It’s a very big mystery why, but for some unknown reason, many cats like bathrooms, especially when you are in it. Don’t expect to ever use the bathroom alone again. Unless you want your door clawed to shreds. As soon as you sit on the toilet, you can guarantee your cat will want to enter the room. Whether its some morbid fascination, or the worry they are missing something, I don’t know but I do know this is a common occurrence in cat owners households. I advise, to simply grin and bear the situation. Either that or be prepared to invest in new doors.
10. Cats understand you perfectly, they just choose to ignore you.
It’s very easy to think that cats have no idea what you are saying, especially when they are clawing through doors, breaking ornaments and attacking your feet but nothing could be further from the truth. They understand you just fine, but why should they pay attention? As I said in number 1. You don’t own a cat, a cat owns you, so why should they listen to what you say? The fact of the matter is, they don’t need to listen to us. We are simply the servant who caters to their every whim, and why do we do it? because when they do bestow a tiny bit of affection on us, it makes it all worthwhile. even if they are breaking our stuff in the process.