As I have mentioned in the past, we have two dogs and love to walk them. Well, as many will know, we are experiencing some wonderful weather in the UK at the moment, so, not one to miss an opportunity, we decided to go exploring.
I can hear you groaning, and totally agree, this type of thing never ends well for us but it seems we are unable to learn from our mistakes so off we trotted to explore the country lanes and bridleways near where we live.
Firstly, let me say, we should have known how this was going to end as soon as we started our journey. The fact that we were pushing our way through nettles and trying not to swallow flies was a pretty big sign on how this walk was going to go. But, not ones to be deterred, we pushed on and after a while, surprisingly, found we were walking along a very nice path. With trees on one side and a lake (or perhaps bog) on the other, it was very picturesque.
We had been walking for about an hour when it occurred to me that we hadn’t seen any sign of life since entering this lane. It’s at this point that you start listening for wildlife. If you can’t hear any its a sure sign that the cannibals have run out of critters to eat and are coming after you.
Well, birds still chirped so it seemed we were safe for now but with no end to the lane in sight, I thought, maybe it was time we turned around and made our way back home.
I’d like to point out, no matter what the fella says, I made this suggestion first, however, as men often do, he determined that we couldn’t be far from civilisation and we should continue onwards. He did, however, keep the dog on a shorter leash for fear we would turn a corner at some point and find someone eating her.
Out of self-preservation, I adopted a tactic I have used in the past and allowed the fella to walk ahead of me. (If the cannibals attacked, they could eat him first while I ran away.)
You may laugh at this but this is genuinely what goes through your mind when walking down these lanes. Seriously!
All you can see for miles is trees. It would be so easy for someone to live out there and no one would ever know. It really gives some credence to all those horror films.
So anyway, we continued on, debating where we were and how long it would be until we hit the end of the lane. At one point we could see a local golf course in the distance and had an idea where we were but couldn’t find a way to get to it.
The sun was beating down on us. We’d forgotten to take something to drink. My Fitbit was cranking up steps and miles and I really began to think we were going to die in the woods where the dogs would eat us to survive. (Though naturally, they would eat the fella first because they love me more.)
It was by sheer dumb luck that we eventually passed through about four fields and came across a road. The end was in sight. In the distance, I could see phone lines indicating there must be building somewhere so we trudged on.
By this point, I’m carrying my Yorkie intermittently. My westie cross appeared tired for the first time in her life and I actually had a vague idea where we were thanks to Google maps. (Yes, we never thought to use this during the first two hours of our walk) When a person approached us on a bike we both heaved a huge sigh of relief. I waved him down (because the fella would never ask for directions) and quickly questioned where we were.
The man stopped his cycle and smiled at us and for the first time in over an hour, I actually thought we might get home safely…
Until he said he was lost too.
Yep. the first person we saw in about two hours was also lost, With no other choice we continued down the road and thankfully, eventually arrived at a place we knew.
Ironically, it was the place we walked the dogs last time we got lost.
So, we finally knew where we were. We made it back to civilisation and rather than travel back through the lanes, took the very long walk home along the road.
Four hours, twelve and a half miles, and twenty-nine-thousand steps later, we finally made it home. The dogs got carried for the last stretch, we were all dying for a drink and my feet have never hurt so much in my life.
I’d like to say we have learnt our lesson and in future will not be walking the dogs in places we don’t know, but I’d probably be lying. Unfortunately, we seem unable to learn from past mistakes an are determined to one day be eaten by cannibals. I only hope I have become a famous author before then so my death will be made into a film.
(A woman can dream.)