Innocent Questions.

From the moment our children are born, we as parents do everything we can to teach them to communicate with us. Almost instantly a fight begins to see what they will say first mama or dada and as their vocabulary develops we rejoice.

However, one thing you don’t realise as the gugu’s and gaga’s form real words, is that all these moments where they are learning to speak are working towards one defining moment that will test your parenting skills to the max. It’s something you don’t see coming. You are just going along with your day as you normally do, then that cute little baby that couldn’t even string two words together suddenly becomes a teenager and throws down the gauntlet by asking you a question you really don’t want to answer.

This happened to us the other day. While watching a film, my seventeen year old heard the word felch and asked us what it meant.

You would think, being a writer of romance, this would not be an issue for me. After all, I write sex scenes and my daughter reads them. Explaining what a sexual word means should be no problem. Unfortunately, this was not the case. Instead of casually explaining what it meant I did the next best thing.

I told her to Google.

I’d like to say that was the end of it but this time Google let us down. Well, either that of my daughter deliberately didn’t understand it so she could watch us squirm. I’m still undecided which it was but I’m leaning towards the latter.

Either way, we found ourselves stumbling through an explanation of what felching is. Or rather, the fella did. I sat silently pretending I couldn’t hear her question.

As his face turned a shade of red that would rival a beetroot and my daughter thought up more questions to ask I couldn’t help wondering why situations like this are never mentioned in parent handbooks. They prepare you for potty training and terrible twos but they never tell you how to answer awkward questions when you can no longer reply with “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

This is the sort of things parents need to know!

Temper tantrums were a breeze in comparison.

Anyway, now my daughter knows what felching is. I really hope we don’t need to have any more conversations like that but I have a feeling I’m not that lucky. I daren’t imagine what she will ask next, I only hope that when the time comes I am on my way out the door and she will have forgotten by the time I get home.


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